{DISCLAIMER: The following blog
post is rated Brainee, it may contain
Insinuations, Subarus and Common
Sense. Intellectual guidance is
advised for people without a brain}

some of us joined twitter out of
curiosity, some to make friends,
some to look for sex after 2go
become an HIV zone, some (like me)
joined twitter as an escape from
facebook where monkeys had taken
over. The reasons are insignificant
and mundane, overtime we came to
discover a new side of twitter, the
fun part.
Some of us discovered their sense of
humour, some discovered their
ability to irk everyone…..slowly
Twitter transformed into a bustling
community full of all sorts of people:
madmen and women, comedians,
trolls, victims, human rights
activists, all under one roof
with time some gained a lot of
followers and came to be known as
bigwigs, and we all accepted this
arrangement. If you wanted to reach
the top all you had to do was be
funny or interesting and eventually
you would be there….there were no
shortcuts, until someone gave birth
to Viral Following. YUCK!
Tweeps who joined twitter in 2011, 2010,
2009 and 2008 can attest to this, we
treat our twitter accounts with
affection because of the history
behind them.
These accounts show our growth
from newbies who tweeted
inspirational quotes all day to who
we are right now. We started from
the very bottom, tweeting Obama
goodnights, asking Rihanna for a
followback, tweeting Katt William’s
jokes as our own..these are the
things that shaped us into who we
are today. The throwbacks that make
us laugh when we remember our
early struggles…but now that is no
longer the case.
Thanks to Viral Following it is no
longer a surprise to see an egg that
joined twitter on 7th August 2013
already having 5000+ followers, the
funniest part though is the number
of tweets, less than 30, all S/O to
fellow Viral Followers.
Yes I know it is your twitter and
your rules, but where is the fun in
following 5000 other people who
tweet nothing else but
“MondayViralFollowing,
TuesdayViralFollowing,
WednesdayViralFollowing…..” where
is the fun there?
The common misconception on
twitter is that having a lot of
followers is power, that is some
super shallow logic…you are what
you tweet, tweeps (with brains i.e)
love following people who are funny
and witty, people who brighten the
TL with rib-cracking jokes, witty
wordplays that make you go like,
“Damn! Why hadn’t I thought of that
before?”…these are the reasons why
Masaku, Verbstract, Nairoboy, Rama,
Wangwe and others have such
influence, they can start a new
account any time they want to and
they will still wield the same
influence. It is not that they were
born funny, No way! A few years ago
they were just like us, their wit and
humour is something they have
perfected over time.
But there you are, you just joined
twitter, you are barely hatched with
zero sense of humour and you want
to have 10000 followers in 1 week!
NEWS FLASH! IT DOESN’T WORK THAT
WAY.
Before you start cursing borrow a
brain quick and allow me to break it
down for you in the most simplest of
ways:
look at it this way, twitter is like our
education system, 8-4-4
– first you go to nursery school
where you are taught how to clean
your nose, wipe your ass, hold a
spoon and learn ABC.
– then you go to primary school
where you use the ABC to construct
sentences that make sense, here
your brain get’s a chance to grow,
creativity is born.
– then you go to secondary school
where you further develop that
‘creativity’, this is the point where
you start knowing your strengths.
– finally after passing all the above
you qualify to join the elite,
University. By this time you know
how to respond with wit, you know
how to make people laugh and
before you know it everyone wants to
be associated with you.
You get it now?
So what Viral Following is doing
basically is taking smn from Nursery
directly to University, the result is
you get a mucous eating tweep with
an ass half-wiped trying to act like
Alai. BAD MOVE!
But credit where it is due, Cyprian
Nyakundi is one hell of a strategist,
he discovered a loophole and
decided to exploit it. He figured he
wasn’t good looking enough to
attract followers, he also didn’t have
boobs to put as avi….so what did he
do? He did research and discovered
that 95% of people who joined
twitter in 2012-2013 were basically
empty keg cylinders with no brains!
So he started #ViralFollowing and
created an army out of them. To be
honest I am a little bit jealous of
Nyakundi, I mean, brainwashing
75,000+ jerrycans is no easy feat. All
i can say is Go Nyakundi Go, the sky
is the limit.
As for the rest of us, the traditional
tweeps, keep on doing what you do
to gain followers, If it is blogs keep
blogging, if it is memes keep making
them, monologues, wordplays, stolen
tweets, boob avis…do what you got
to do, just don’t go Viral please, it’s
beneath you…

“Twitter is real life hidden behind a
keyboard”
~ @Ex_Virgin